The United Nations
The United Nations, or The UN, was devised after World War II. It rose from the ashes of The League Of Nations, which in itself was proved a failure when the Axis powers gave the League the collective finger and began to run wild across Europe, raping and pillaging in a manner not seen since the Democrats crucified Christ many years ago. The failure of the league is hardly surprising, as it was enthusiastically endorsed by Democratic U.S. President Woodrow Wilson. America Hosts the UN Eventually, America came to the aid of Europe and kicked Hitler's ass for them, proving that Americans always win and Europe is filled with whiney, pretentious losers. (However, it should be known that FDR was not the reason we won- it took all the efforts of Stephen Colbert, Chuck Norris , and George W. Bush to keep the Democrat from screwing it up.) America finally joined the United Nations after the whole world realized we are the greatest country in the world. Ever. Also, it makes sense that the UN should be in America, so that the liberals of the world can see the greatness of capitalism. Current Failures The UN likes to refer to itself as a group of nations that is dedicated to worldwide prosperity. The UN currently is trying to make peace with every country in the world. This is impossible, namely because Stephen Colbert will not let America stop fighting wars for her freedom. All of these undertakings are supported by liberals and communists who seek to undermine America's traditional values. In reality, America should be the only police force the world needs. Just do as we say, and nobody gets hurt (maybe). The only people who would be destroyed are communists, liberals, and the French. Also, crazies like Iran and North Korea are always on the list of countries to be wiped off the map. The UN also claims that America is not a very good place to raise children. You can go to hell, UN. Our kids are doing just fine, here in the good ol' US of A, and in Iraq. So there! Many people say that the true worthlessness of the United Nations was prominently displayed in the Rwandan genocide. Since the United Nations have failed to act in stopping the Genocide in Rwanda, they have continued to support non-action in places like, Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, North Korea, and Sudan. Leadership With an agenda that could lead to world peace, America won't be able to lead the world towards WWIII (or WWIV, depending on who you ask), driving down the road to Armageddon in our freedom-powered Humvees. These 'cut and run' world peace 'freaks' forget that without war, the Armageddon will be avoided and the rapture won't ever take place. Jesus will never get a chance to ride in on his chariot from the sky and take Americans up to heaven. Future Failures Before America proudly gave Iraq its freedom, UN officials like weapons inspector Hans Blix (NOT an American), urged the worldwide community to practice restraint and prudence when dealing with Iraq, saying that there was no proof of WMD's within its borders. America's army, led by governor/terminator/real American, Arnold Schwarzenegger, invaded Iraq and single handedly solved the Middle East crisis. They did not find WMD's, but that didn't matter, because the mission objective was now to free the people of Iraq and make life safer for the freedom loving people of Iraq, who welcomed American forces by throwing rose petals at their feet. Officers The current US Ambassador to the UN is Zalmay Khalilzad. Khalilzad replaced Wolff who replaced John Bolton, who realized that the UN is just an excuse for foreigners to come to New York and be granted diplomatic immunity so that they can park illegally and steal without being prosecuted. The United States has had six different ambassadors to the UN since George W. Bush took office. This is in large part because Bush nominates Fellow Conservatives for the position, and they know that the UN is just a political boondoggle that is not worth their time. Peace-loving liberal freak Kofi Annan was recently replaced as Secretary General. Nobody really liked Annan because when he came to the UN Headquarters (in America) he failed to adequately learn American. Annan was replaced by Ban Ki-moon, who is better than Annan because his name shares a syllable with the late drummer of the legendary band, The Who. External Tubes *KFC invades UN *UN demands free money! *UN undermining the fast food industry! End of famine could bankrupt farmers! *UN to mandate Abortion Quota *League of Supervillians to protest UN's bill